JUICED
By Jose Canseco

We were in Boston for the playoffs and something funny happened: All around me, I heard the fans start chanting: "Steriods! Steriods!"
When I heard that, I paused a moment to think about how to respond. Then I just turned sideways, flexed for them, turned the other way, and flexed again.
The crowd went nuts

"Staring down at this poor sap from the pitchers mound, his uniform flapping loosely in the breeze, I remember thinking, Jesus Christ, this guy could Hula Hoop inside a Cheerio. The toothpicks name was Jose Canseco, and before the game was over, I'd beat him for four dribbled groundouts and nice, fat K"
-David Wells

"One year later...Canseco and I would cross pathes again, and I was stunned to find that the Idaho skinny guy had somehow grown up to become a freaking Macy's balloon. Brand new biceps ripped out from under his uniform sleeves. Thick slabs of beef padded his formerly bony frame. A pair of tree trunks now connected to his ankles. Seven innings and two 450-foot moon shots later, I still had no idea what to make of this new improved mutant. Was this kind of super-size growth spurt even possible? What the hell was this monster eating?"
-David Wells

If Mark McGwire belongs in the Hall of Fame, so does Jose Canseco
-John Williams, Slate Magazine

The next year, 1988, Mark and I started talking about steroids again, and soon we started using them together. I injected Mark in the bathrooms at the Coliseum more times than I can remember. Sometimes we did it before batting practice, sometimes afterward. It was really no big deal. We would just slip away, get our syringes and vials, and head into the bathroom area of the clubhouse to inject each other

The media dubbed us the Bash Brothers but we were really the Roids Boys

We hung out here and there, but Mark didnt like to go out with me beacuse the girls wouldnt pay any attention to him. They would all pay attention to me. That was mostly because of Mark. He was never the best-looking guy in the world. He felt awkward and out of place at clubs, plus he would never talk.

Walter Weiss and McGwire once told me a story about the day when mark and Walt were racing their cars after a game and this lady was driving along really slow and they forced her off the road

Jose: I was pulled over for doing 125 in my jaguar and said the car was so smooth I thought I was only doing 50
Scott Ostler: What if your doing a mere 50, do you have the illusion of being parked and try to step out of the car?

I cant mention any names, but it wasnt at all unusual for players to sleep with other players wives

Any girl you met on the road and had sex with was referred to as "road beef."

But one definite side effect of steroid use is the atrophying of your testicles. I can confirm that. Whatever size they start out, they will definitly shrink if you are taking steroids over a period of time.

He claims to fuck Madonna in this book

He met his second wife at Hooters, she was working

I ran back toward the wall, chasing after a ball hit by Carlos Martinez. As I went back, I lost track of the ball for just an instant, and it hit me right on the head and bounced over for a home run. That had to be the most embarrassing moment of my career, but even so, it was a fluke

Jose has a Major League Career ERA of 27.00

This year the players and owners have managed to do what an earthquake, two world wars, a missile crisis and a depression could not do, and that was cancel the World Series
-Liane Hansen

"Oh my God," I said to Bret Boone. "What have you been doing?"
"Shhh," he said. "Dont tell anybody."

-n