Collier: Vikings' RB a whiz at passing latest drug tests

Gene Collier, one of the reasons why I got into sports writing
Excerpts from his sunday column on Onterrio Smith

When his tube of toothpaste set off an airport metal detector recently and the resultant search of his luggage turned up an artificial penis and five vials of dehydrated urine, questions arose beyond the most obvious: What is this guy brushing his teeth with?

Apparently, the fact that Smith already has been in violation of the NFL's drug policy at least twice, and the fact that he was kicked off the football team at the University of Tennessee for smoking marijuana, and the distinct impression that he couldn't so much as leave town without his Whizzinator caused some unfavorable conclusions.

This is a shame, because the testimony on the Whizzinator site describes a product with a market history that's virtually blemish free.

"Because of you, I'm not in jail," says Ty in Michigan.

"I was sweating it out on the day of my drug screening test at a big company, but the Whizzinator came through big time and I was toking before and after the screening," says Kevdog in Georgia.

"This thing is wonderful," says Nathan in Washington. "I was nervous at first but it worked without a hitch and definitely saved me in more ways than one."

Oh? Well let's just leave it at that.

Classic line right there, think about it for a second

Smith's explanation was that the kit was for his cousin, and that he forgot he had packed it, two statements that could not be more random. If his cousin lived in the greater Minneapolis-St. Paul area, he'd be mighty, uh, ticked if ol' Onterrio had left with the poor guy's Whizzinator in his suitcase. If Onterrio possessed the Whizzinator with intent to deliver, he would have packed it intentionally, no?

two statements that could not be more random, thats worth the subscription cost right there

-n