Chuck Norris, Mr. T and Vin Diesel
Be prepared to cry

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

-n